London: Keeping a eye out for stars

Dec 9 2009 By Lorne Jackson

LONDON is big. It dazzles. It’s so big and dazzling, it could be mistaken for a statue of Orson Welles, built entirely out of tinfoil, tinsel and glitter.

For a while, I lived in the capital, hoping to have a capital time with all that bigness and dazzleocity.

“Bet I spot a superstar of stage and screen every day of the week!” I boasted to my PPs. (Parochial Pals.)

Then, my very first day travelling on the London Underground, I spotted Gwyneth Paltrow.

At least, I thought it was Gwyneth, though the person I was ogling was small, fat and spotty, with bog-brown hair.

And probably wasn’t a woman.

“It might have been Gwyneth,” I explained to the PPs. “She is an American star after all. And they’re all method acting mad. They immerse themselves in every role. Don’t even come out of character to go to the toilet.

“Which probably explains why she ended up as a bloke.”

The PPs weren’t impressed. They called me a fantasist and eventually I stopped trying to spot Paltrow and moved to Birmingham, where I did glimpse a megastar – the homeless bloke from Skint, the documentary series about pawn-shop dwellers in Brum.

I even purchased a Big Issue from him.

My failure to spot any stars in London meant that I didn’t expect to meet anyone famous when I visited the capital recently for a Christmas break, visiting the excellent shops and sights.

Yet on my first day – while I was strolling round the arty Southbank Centre (www.southbankcentre.co.uk) – a female companion shrieked: “Look – it’s Gok Wan!”

“Tut-tut,” I tut-tutted. “Must be mistaken – silly girl! Does the person you think is Gok Wan happen to be small, fat and spotty, with bog-brown hair, by any chance?”

He wasn’t.

Instead, we had stumbled on the bona fide article – Wan it was.

Soon, my companion – a big fan of the fashion fixer-upper – was enjoying a good old gawk at Gok.

Then she couldn’t resist having her photo taken dangling off the bright, hard, sharp and shiny edges of the TV megastar.

I’m not a Wan fan, so I kept on walking. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised that a celeb was visiting the Southbank Centre. After all, it is the kind of place where famous folk must hang out, being the largest single-run arts centre in the world. The complex includes the Royal Festival Hall, the Hayward Gallery, Queen Elizabeth Hall, Purcell Room, Poetry Library and 21 acres of creative arts. Perfect if you fancy an arty, hearty Christmas.

There are some brilliant arts and crafts shops in the area, too, where you can buy quirky presents that aren’t available anywhere else in the country.