Caribbean cruise: No plain sailing trip
Oct 7 2009 By Ben Mottram
Ice-cold water poured down onto my face. I struggled to breathe and thrashed for help. I was held under for what seemed an eternity. Then I was dragged back from underneath the waterfall, back into the heat of the rainforest, back to safety.
"Now you have been baptised Caribbean-style, now you can truly enjoy the liquid sunshine," said Elephant, a larger than life guide with a nickname to match his monster frame. Suddenly, the hysterical laughter of my co-cruisers drowned out the buzz of the local wildlife. They were just relieved they'd not been 'the lucky one' chosen to be dunked on our day-trip as part of an Ocean Village cruise.
Hiking into the depths of the Ti Tou Gorge in the Dominica rainforest is a far cry from the shuffleboard, bridge tournaments and hours of bingo I'd always associated with cruises. But this was no plain sailing trip. This was Ocean Village - for 'people who don't do cruises'.
I was a self-confessed, terrified cruise virgin when I signed up to spend a week on Ocean Village's Calypso and Coconuts trip around the Caribbean. Thoughts of spending nights on a floating Pontins camp, surrounded by the blue-rinse brigade and flirting with the captain to the waltz filled me with utter dread. But when Ocean Village promise you will 'see more, do more and be more' - the brightly-painted slogan dabbed on the ship's hull screams it loud enough - they are telling the truth.
"Ocean Village is the cruise for the new millennium"
The cruise liner or, as I once saw it, God's waiting room, has been given a radical overhaul. Ocean Village likes to see itself as the laidback outfit of the cruising world where fussy timetables, dress codes and formality have walked the plank. You can enjoy life at a snail's pace, collapse on top deck and slob around if you wish.
But Ocean Village is the cruise for the new millennium and lazing on the sundeck, it turns out, is for wimps. Guests are adventurous thirty-to-fifty somethings, everybody is out for a good time on the high seas and the buzz-phrase is 'Action Ashore'. At every destination you are urged to choose from a myriad of optional excursions. I opted to crank up the pulse-racing fun at a gentle pace at our first stop of Tortola, in the British Virgin Islands.
My first choice was swimming with dolphins which looked leisurely - until I met Zeus! While everybody got to play with a friendly dolphin, I met the underwater god of practical jokes, who seemed to think taking me out to sea was more fun than back to land. I can still hear my instructor crying out for me to let go. Cue more laughter from my co-cruisers.
At the next stop in Antigua I turned up the adrenaline, without a marine mammal, by booking a thrilling high-speed boat trip around the coast that basically involved hanging on for your life while houses of the rich and famous were pointed out. Then I kayaked around the mangroves for hours until my arms dropped off. So much for relaxing!
Life on the ship
But what's life like back on the ship? My preconceptions of the cruise ship being like the hoity-toity life of the QE2 evaporated when I first walked on board - to thumping disco music! Life on land is busy but onboard everything is laidback. There's a spa, cinema, two pools, gym, casino, cyber café, several bars and even an art auction every night which became a highlight - nothing to do with the free drinks, of course!
Meanwhile, kids have lots to do at Base Camp - or so I'm told. Don't get the wrong idea. The ship isn't like Club 18-30 on the high seas. Instead, it caters for every taste on 14 decks. Leaving your room is an adventure every time - but also a complete recipe for disaster if you leave your trusted map behind and don't know your port from your starboard.
Everything on Ocean Village is super-efficient, the rooms are spacious and nothing beats waking up somewhere new every morning. While you sleep, the boat sails. It's like Christmas morning every time you open the curtains. You do what you want when the mood takes you in a routine-free holiday. Best of all, that refers to the grub, too.
Food, glorious food, is the blessing and curse of the cruise passenger, and too many go the whole hog and pig out. If you love to eat then starve for a month before setting foot on the boat because you will eat too much. Dress code is strictly casual - expect a strange mix of football shirts and Hawaiian shirts - and forget making polite chit-chat at the captain's table. You can go for lunch in just your swimming shorts for all they care. There are two buffet restaurants where you graze 24 hours a day. If you want a chip-butty at 2am you can get one - I did, several times. Alternatively, you can dine Italian-style at La Luna.
If you long for a bit of glam, you can splash the cash and try celebrity chef James Martin's The Bistro. It's the only place on board where your wallet can take a pounding, especially if you're a dessert junkie like me, but it's worth it for the classy ambience.
Ben takes advantage of the night life offering on board...
